Hope

Hope.
A four letter word that can bring a smile to anyone.
A four letter word that i have come to dispise.
A four letter word that is no better in my eyes than bad luck.

The little orphan boy who just wants a family to love becomes a drug dealer in the sewer.
The little girl who sells matches died cold in the arms of the night.
The little boy who was eaten little by little by his own cells multiplying inside of him dies on the hospital bed with a heart-shaped helium balloon still tied to his pinky.

All crushed by this horrible, cursed, four letter word.

The hope that is given by the shelter home officer saying,"someone will adopt you".
The hope that is given by the voices in her head telling her,"just sell one more box of matches, you'll be fine".
The hope that is given by the doctors who think that a child's heart is too fragile and doesnt have the right to at least know when to say goodbye to this cruel world.

Hope.

Its hard to explain its true nature.
Too complex to decipher the codes that it holds within.
How in a way it strengthen your heart to survive one more day in the agony and torture of circumstances
Just so that tomorrow night, it will cripple, be crushed and burnt when the reality kicks in.
So i just call it evil.
So i just call it evil.
So i just call it evil.
Not that i have no more words to say
Nor these lips are dried from telling the stories of hardships.
To any visible ears that may or may mot be willing to hear.
Just that its easier to explain.
Clearer. Easier.

iSolation

Sometimes, you just need a moment for yourself. A period of lonesome so that you could really appreciate yourself for being you and the real you. A lot of people neglect this virtue as they are engulfed by the social pressure of communicating. Don't get me wrong. It is important. To some extent, it is therapeutic. But more times than we realise, we are too occupied with the 'social obligations' that the society digests the wonderful person that you really are and mould you to the 'perfect' mannequin that is deemed 'acceptable' to the community's eyes.

Being in this oh-so high tech era doesn't make it any easier. With all the social networking sites such as twitter, facebook and what not, our lives and also everybody else's are one touch away. These sites are very useful to diguise the feeling of accompaniment whilst sitting alone on a couch in your home watching reruns of The Nanny for the gazillionth time. Again, I am not saying that it is completely hazardous to install these tempting apps into you forever glued hand-held devices. I mean, i get 75% of the news through twitter and facebook(although the reliability of it is lower than Napoleon's zipper) mainly because i dont watch the news on tv. There is 2 reasons for this. 1)I hate Malaysian politics(or politics generally) which will take 50% of the national news. And 2) there are sooo many more interesting things to watch other than the news.

Okay, back to the main topic. I dont know about you, but one of my friend once told me that sometimes its nice to just uninstall allllll of your social media apps for a while just so that you can truly find the real you. This is like meditation, Steve Jobs style. An escape from the social media realm which day by day become more and more depressing for me. Mainly because im sad and alone, and also a sprinkle of insecurity and overthinking-ness. And i think its a good way to boost up back your mood and self esteem.

I dont want to make this post any longer as i am having a headache and may or may not throw up after this(ate some bad fish curry last night). So, bubbye.

Poem : Time Is Relative

Someday,

If someday is our future,

Then let memories be a venture,

A vast distance that awaits to be explored,

But filled with thorns and hardships endured.

But I’ll give the world if clocks can run backwards,

I’ll trade a mountain of diamonds if I can jump forward,

Time is relative they say,

But when will the relative begin to sway,

Sway a bit closer – to me.

A little bug once taught me,

That indulging in the past and you’ll get agony,

But I thought that’s what we call history,

The history that said can set us free,

Free from the mistakes that we commit,

Free from the solemness that will soon summits,

Until there is no peak higher,

Until there is no taller skyscraper,

Until our misery engulf us, with all the fear that we shiver,

Till our last puff of breather.

But time is still relative,

Even if we look at every single damn perspective,

The Happy will take it for granted,

While the Depressed is sitting in the dark – brokenhearted,

Cursing every living things ever lived,

Cursing every thought that could be relieved,

Damning every sunlight that ever shone,

Being the Medusa and turn every rainbows into stone,

Mad at the moonlight cause the night was so dark,

Sinking the ship even before it embarks.

So, this writing is not a sympathy cry,

Just a reminder from a bird that cannot fly,

When joy come knocking on your door,

With allness let it marinate your life from the start,

But just don’t forget the sad and poor,

And the one with the broken heart.